August 2019 // Worcester, South Africa
The grass crunched as I paced back-and-forth the field barefoot. My feet felt the very field that had become my secret place with Daddy God. I had spent the past hour crying out to Him about the things that were beyond my control, yet had some measure of responsibility over. I’ve been known to carry the weight of the world in the past, and I found myself to have matured immensely over the past season that brought me to my knees many a time. I finally understood surrender, the kind that doesn’t negate my own will, but also the kind that trusts Daddy enough to see things work out for good. And it was in that state of understanding surrender that He caught me.
“Wei-Jan, I’ve heard your cries about all these things that you care about. But there’s one thing that you care about that you have yet to bring up to Me.”
“It’s your heart; specifically the part that longs for lifelong companionship.”
I got quiet. Not just in speech, but in my heart. It’s a sore spot for sure, after all the suffering I’d gone through over the years. I remember how I found it easier to ask Him for everything else but that part. And He cared enough to bring it up again.
“Okay, Daddy. What do You have in store for me in the next season?”
Blooming in spring.
I saw my feet on the path.
And I wasn’t alone.
September 2019 // Worcester, South Africa
“I’ve started to notice that things between us have been a little…different lately.”
His greenish-blue eyes gazed deeply into mine. I would usually shy away from such a gaze from anyone, but this time around, I surprised myself by being okay with it. He wasn’t a stranger to me; he was someone I’d considered to be a best friend. Those eyes had grown on me over the almost two years that I’d known him. I could tell that he was nervous, yet he was confident enough to maintain his attention on the person he was risking everything on, by bringing up such a topic. And it was that confidence in such a nerve-wrecking situation that made me treasure him even more.
He, had no idea that God had spoken to me a few days before, on a Tuesday, that he was the gold I’d be missing out on if I remained distracted.
I, had no idea that God had spoken to him a few days before, on that same Tuesday, that things were changing in our friendship.
We, had no idea that God had been arranging many more pieces in the shadows, hidden from our sight, until He saw it fit for it to be revealed that Tuesday.
We realised then, that God had started opening our eyes to the spring season He had prepared for us to experience together. The spring season that’s known to be a season full of weirdness and surprises.
Us, is nothing short of a weird and wonderful surprise.
(Even when everyone else seems to have predicted this long ago.)
It’s only been a couple of weeks since God spoke. It’s been over a week since we committed to journeying together in this odd spring season. But it feels like it’s been ages since we began. We don’t know what the future holds for us, but we know that we’re not figuring it out on our own. God led us to this garden, and we’ll enjoy its surprises together.
So here I am, writing about the beginning of a new chapter of this crazy story. I don’t know its next parts and when it’ll come. And I guess I’ll continue loving God and him, regardless of what I know and don’t.
I’ll just let spring blossom things naturally, in this garden.